The Rollercoaster

By the time I arrived in Austin a few weeks before filming After All, the experience had already been an exercise in patience and perseverance. Five years had passed since development on the project officially began. As this was my second feature film, I had hoped things might move a bit faster. My first feature, Fair Haven, took about ten long years from start to finish. Two of After All’s development years were lost to a global pandemic, but regardless, the creative part of me couldn’t wait to get into production.

While making Fair Haven, I was given a piece of advice: “Don’t ride the rollercoaster—just watch it.” I wish I could remember who told me that, because I think it’s the most valuable piece of advice I’ve ever received as a creative working in the film industry. During my first film, I was strapped into that rollercoaster for the entire ride; it was impossible not to be. I felt every high and low. But this time around, thankfully, with only a few exceptions, I managed to keep my feet on the ground, watching the ups and downs unfold without letting every twist and drop consume me emotionally.

I’ve learned that in filmmaking, things often happen that feel like the end of the world: a phenomenal actor you attached leaves the project, a secured location suddenly falls through at the last minute, you make it to the final round at a top-tier festival and don’t get in. These moments are really tough, but I’ve begun to trust that there’s always something on the other side, and often it’s even better. Emotionally, to continue directing films, I think one eventually has to find one's own way of keeping the stress at bay. (I think my therapist would be really proud of these sentiments.)

(Kerstin on the set of Fair Haven)

Problem Solving

In my experience, much of the filmmaking process is problem-solving. It is slashing setups as your day ticks by and you’re losing light, pivoting when a scene just isn’t working, keeping your crew motivated when everyone’s tired, frustrated, and ready to go home. But then there are those exhilarating moments that make it all worthwhile: when an actor nails a take just as the light hits perfectly, or your composer sends you a cue that elevates a scene to pure cinematic magic. Those moments are electrifying!

I’ve also come to accept that nothing I direct will ever be perfect. Even if I had an unlimited budget and a full year to shoot, it wouldn’t turn out perfectly. As a Virgo and a perfectionist, I don’t love this, but I think I am now ok with it. In fact, it’s my motivator to keep going, keep creating, keep getting better at my craft. Every project I take on, I tell myself: This time I‘ll do this part differently, that part better, and never make that mistake again… It pushes me to keep going through the difficulties, rejections, and heartbreaks to try and one-up my last attempt.

(Post-production on After All)

Support

After All was limited in time and resources, but far less so than Fair Haven. Creatively, it was an environment that nurtured my instincts and allowed me to experiment visually in ways I hadn’t been able to before. For that, I’m grateful. I’m also deeply thankful for the incredible three women who led the film. These actresses were passionate, collaborative, trusting, immensely talented, and absolute joys to work with. It’s a good thing I didn’t stay on that rollercoaster too long when we lost a few attachments along the way! The women who ultimately brought Ellen, Verna, and Haley to life were always meant to play those roles.

(Penelope Ann Miller, Kiara Muhammad, and Erika Christensen)

I was fortunate to have an extraordinary amount of support throughout this process. My frequent collaborator and After All’s screenwriter, Jack Bryant, trusted my vision for his script. The story is drawn from his own family and childhood experiences, and I’m deeply grateful that he believed I was the right director to bring it to life. Producer, Dale Wade Davis, has championed my vision from day one and defended it time and again.

Another frequent collaborator and close friend, John Baker, served as the film’s music supervisor. No one makes me laugh like John, and working with him is always a joy. Director of Photography, Pascal Combes-Knoke, not only shared my aesthetic but also protected it. We were determined to execute the shots we had spent months planning and share a head-down, get-it-done work ethic.

My husband was a constant and much-needed source of support throughout the journey, and my hope for all filmmakers is that they find those who will stand by them and uphold their vision.

(Kerstin Karlhuber and John Baker)

The Audience

As I write this, it’s opening weekend of our theatrical run, and I can’t help thinking about the audiences out there watching the film. Today, a friend sent me this photo of her family sitting in a movie theater, waiting for After All to begin. How cool is that?

As a filmmaker, I believe that when someone watches one of my films, they’re giving me a precious gift: their time. That inspires a tremendous responsibility to give them something meaningful in return.

This obligation came more clearly into focus after making Fair Haven, a film that supported young people struggling with their identity. I received thousands of messages from people around the world thanking me for making that film. They wrote about how it gave them hope, inspiration, and guidance. Those reactions inspired and changed me. When I made that film, I wasn’t thinking much about who might watch it several years down the road. It was a micro-budget film and the goal was literally to just finish it. But its emotional reach was far greater than I ever expected and it taught me an invaluable lesson.

With After All, I was conscious of our eventual audience throughout the entire process, constantly considering how each moment would resonate emotionally. It’s gratifying to finally hear how the film is affecting people, both as they watch it and after it ends. My hope is that they leave the theater or turn off the TV and feel that the hour and forty-five minutes they just gave me was well worth it.

(After All screening in Los Angeles)

Ask Me Anything Event Today on Stage 32!

If you’d like to learn more about the making of After All or dive deeper into Kerstin’s creative process, don’t miss her Ask Me Anything event happening today in the free Filmmaking Lounge on Stage 32! Kerstin has started a post where you can leave your questions and thoughts, and for the next 24 hours, she’ll be responding directly. This is a rare opportunity to connect with a working filmmaker, gain first-hand insights into her journey, and learn from the real-world experiences behind After All and her other acclaimed projects.

Click HERE to join in on this FREE Ask Me Anything event now!

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