We spend a lot of time in this industry looking at products. That is after all why we do this; to get things made, to be seen by an audience.

But...

It seems to me that we neglect our inner selves and suffer the consequences because we don’t quite know how to deal with anxieties and concerns, that seem to let rip on our fragile selves when we experience problems like rejection or people letting us down.

As part of this series, I want to take a little time to look at the inner work we need to do so that we are not consumed by the negativity that will invariably confront us along the way as we develop our careers.

Geoff - The Early Years: It All Started With A Bang

If any of you know me from our time here in the Stage 32 Community, or have at least read my profile page bio you will know that the start of my life was far from quiet…or normal.

They say that your earliest experiences of life, form neural pathways which unless re-routed will inform your decisions and sense of risk later in life. However, on the occasion of three death-threatening encounters, you’d think that my sense of risk would be pretty high, but that’s not the case. I know! You are shocked!

I recall one meeting with the head of HR, back in the day when I was a civil servant – yes, I did my best to challenge the first word in my job title - when he said to me that I scared him, because I appeared to have no sense of danger, of risk. That may not have been the case, it may just have been that risk for me was a little further around the bend and he couldn’t see it.

It’s not that the early years went without some negative reinforcements and their neural pathways were firmly established.

I recall one day in particular, as a kid. I must have been between 5 and 8 years of age - so between accidents. Mum was in the kitchen cooking tea and me, along with my older sister were sat at the dining table. Why, I’m not sure, but all of a sudden, my Mum lost it and started crying. She dropped what she was doing in the sink and walked down the garden path. As she opened the gate, my Dad was there returning from work. Talk about good timing, Dad!

There were a lot of tears, my Dad held her, but I could sense that something wasn’t right. He felt guilty. He was working a 55-hour week and it still didn’t put enough food on the table. They were barely getting by. He would swear that he was earning more just so the taxman could take it all. No matter how hard he worked; it never seemed to make a difference.

During those days (1960s), schools had nurses coming for visits and doing check-ups. I always had cankers behind my ears and knees. Apparently, this was due to vitamin C deficiency and so it was suggested that I should take a supplement. I did, and those horrible cankers disappeared, but of course that was more money out of the family coffers.

What was this reinforcing to me? Money is always scarce. No matter how hard you work, there is never enough. This neural pathway was written solidly and was repeatedly reinforced during my early married years.

How does this affect me today? Money is scarce and stops me from doing the things I want to do, no matter how hard I work.

This Neural Pathway Needs Rewriting & Redirecting, But How?

Well, we can all talk about how cruel and negative this world is. Just look at the venom clubs on social media. The first lesson is that we don’t need to listen to it. Stop focusing on the things that drain our confidence. Take control of who we let influence our thoughts and attitudes. Start with being kind to ourselves.

From there, focus on our craft. Composing, screenwriting, editing, etc. whatever it is that makes our heart sing. We are in the best place here at Stage32 to improve in those areas.

We also have access to an amazing community, that will support us through those hard times - the days of doubt or weeks of waning energy.

Back to money and those neural networks. It is said that successful people don’t gain success, but they attract it. Thinking that money is THE problem and is always scarce, sends out the wrong message to the people we may be about to work with. Even when money comes our way, we will always think it’s not enough, or it will run out soon. We have to stop thinking like that.

Rewriting Your Neural Pathways.

What I did, was to think and act affirmatively. I developed a spiritual practice; 20 minutes each morning is spent silencing those negative voices, as I enjoy the silence - there’s a song there somewhere. I will then exercise and after that, go for a walk; meditation is the key here. I try not to allow a commentary to form in my mind about what I’m looking at; the trees, the birds, clouds, rain, or sunshine pushing its way through the trees. Just appreciate them.

Mentoring. I was for many years a mentor to artists, and so I was thrilled to become a mentee last year, as Sandra Correia worked with me on Seeing Rachel and also being a business mentor.

The Money Thing Isn’t A Denial.

At the moment my expenditure is higher than normal. Setting up a company has its expenses. Sometimes I can look at what’s left and the pathways of the past and try to reconnect, but what helps stop this from happening is affirmation. Sandra suggested that I need to affirm to the Universe, what I am aiming to achieve through my company, International Imaginists. I do that now, every day. It’s a declaration of intent. I won’t tell you what they are, that’s between Sandra, me, and the Universe, but they are grounded in reality, the reality of a generous Universe. This is not, by the way, a wish list!

Moving Away From Imposter Syndrome.

When I first became a member of Stage32, I felt like an imposter. There were a lot of people here who knew more than I did about screenwriting and the business of entertainment. My strategy was to lurk for a while; well, a while being about two years, before I stopped my self-declared injunction on posting something and feeling it was just about okay to ‘like’ something or give a hearty ‘well done’ of encouragement.

I didn’t just leave imposter syndrome behind. No! I transitioned to outsider syndrome. How come? Well, I decided that on some posts I did have something to say about my craft and so began to share those things.

Notwithstanding this brazen attitude that would make any introvert blush, I still felt like I was on the outside looking in. This was reinforced by the failure of my first film production company. Here we go back to those neural pathways. I was an outsider because I couldn’t get inside. My failure taught me this. All my plans of employing people to work on a film - I actually love this part of the process more than most other things about filmmaking - had failed me big time.

When there are bumps along the way, yes the outsider who is haunting me appears, but with Sandra’s help, we are exorcising that outsider out of my life.

Vulnerability.

At the moment, I feel vulnerable. And I’d say to anyone, you have to be okay with that because that is where the good stuff comes from.

David Whyte, the American poet, said that you know you are doing something radical if you can’t see where you are headed. I agree. There is no map for what I want to do, to fulfill my aspirations. It’s just out there, past the third tree on the left and off toward the horizon.

I would argue that if we are writing from a place of comfort, then it probably won’t be very good. It is when we are perhaps most afraid or vulnerable, that the best stories are written. Comfort is an antidote, an astringent to the imagination. If you want to write something fantastic, that gets people’s attention, start looking over your shoulder. And yes, you are being followed and they are out to get you.

As the saying goes, perhaps first aired on the X Files when Mulder says to Scully, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean to say they’re not out to get you!”

And yes, all my strategies and plans, and all of my screenplays may come to nothing. There is no guarantee. (You have to be okay with that too). Would I be okay with that? At this moment in time…Hell no! But I would have to get used to it, and then at the end of the day I have my family, and I have two grandsons who love me unconditionally, and yes, that actually is enough and it’s why I’m the richest man on the planet.

Beautiful Obsession.

In doing this, none of us have chosen the easy path for our lives and we shouldn’t be surprised by the things that happen along the narrowest of ways; as we make visible the invisible.

It is all determined by the beautiful obsession of our creative gifts and as I approach my 68th birthday this summer, I know I will never be retiring; there are just too many stories to write and a world that needs our gifts to shine in the darkness.

I am in a place now, where I don’t doubt my gifts. Yes, I know they need nurturing; cultivation includes weeding out all the competing roots of things that no longer need to be there; doubts, fears, syndromes. They also need watering at a deep well, so that deep calls unto deep and to quote Gaston Bachelard, ‘we touch the depths before we disturb the surface’ with our stories.

The final word goes to Rumi’s ‘Book of Love’.

Some Nights Stay Up Till Dawn…

Some nights stay up till dawn,

as the moon sometimes does for the sun.

Be a full bucket pulled up the dark way of a well,

then lifted out into light.

Catch up on the rest of this blog series at the links below!

• The Writer as an Entrepreneur Part 1
• The Writer as an Entrepreneur Part 2

Let's hear your thoughts in the comments below!

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